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The Horror Survival Guide

We’ve all been there. Turns out that special thing you did on that certain date and the thing that’s living in your mirror has just told you in great detail how you’re going to die. Also your family's dead. Or your friends are missing, and someone who has access to your bedroom is framing you for a murder you haven’t committed. What the fuck are you gonna do now sweet protagonist? Simply follow these instructions to the best of your ability and you will escape any horror situation kicking and screaming and being the traumatized wreck that the best case scenario will allow. If you survive it is best that you write it down, copy and paste it, and let the internet do its job.
  1. Moving into a new area? Do not be afraid to ask around the neighborhood for any instances of disappearances, paranormal events, or anything spooky in general.
  2. Mirrors and darkness are a NO.
  3. Actually mirrors are just a general no in any horror scenario.
  4. Do not to go to any abandon building. They were probably abandoned for a reason.
  5. If you do ignore rule four and enter an abandoned building and hear some type of chanting in a language you do not understand. Run until you are out of earshot.
  6. Keep a bible next to your bed. It provides a bit of reading, some things to make you think, and is a heavy blunt weapon for any intruder in your home.
  7. When the sun goes down, you go down. If you feel any sense of disturbance there is no need for you to leave your house.
  8. Following rule seven if you want to feel safe at night lock your doors and windows before night. Another useful tip paranoid or not, always check twice before going to bed.
  9. Thinking about it now it's also probably a good idea to check any possible hiding spots in your house before you lock something or someone that may be inside with you.
  10. Puppets or dolls. Do not do both. Ever!
  11. If you find a box of VHS tapes in the basement of your parents or your house with no labels, ask everyone who lives there. If they all say “they're not mine” GET. RID. OF. THEM.
  12. If you get any emails, text messages, or phone calls with the name 666. It is spam. Do not let the thought of demonic beings come across your head. The messages are Spam, ignore them.
  13. Get yourself an 8MM revolver and two silver bullets. If killing isn't an option for you, shoot once at the thing that’s about to kill you, that should slow it down or severely injure it. If you want to be a hero, shoot the second bullet at the bastards head.
  14. Lighthouses are dangerous. Avoid these at all cost. If you work at a lighthouse, look into getting a job in marketing or something in housing.
  15. Area 51 simply has too much security for you to get in, or let any alien get out.
  16. If you come face to face with a tall, well suited, skinny, faceless man with tentacles in the woods. Run like Hell.
  17. If you live in a neighborhood that is recently getting noticed more for its disappearance and mass murders. It is time to look into moving into another neighborhood, or if you want to be safe, move to another state.
  18. Burn any or all Ouija boards you come across if you do not want to open a portal to Hell.
  19. If you are at a place with friends and someone comes up with an idea to mess around with a Ouija boards. Disagree, if they ignore you, go into another room far away from the Ouija board.
  20. Get curtains for your window to avoid any or all creepy encounters at night.
  21. If you follow rule twenty and find that you hear tapping from your window. Remember the curtains, out of sight out of mind. Tapping? Put some music on. If this continues, call the police.
  22. If you find any secret room filled with creepy ass stuff in it, ask your parents or your landlord. If there is not a definitive answer, call the police.
  23. If you wake up one night and find that there’s a man standing across the room and yells “GO TO SLEEP” simply turn back around and go back to sleep.
  24. If you do not like the idea of rule twenty three. Hopefully you followed rule six or thirteen. Hopefully thirteen.
  25. Running may not be the best answer, but it’s better than dying.
  26. If you have managed to lose the killer inside your house, go out the front door immediately and run to the nearest populated area.
  27. Watching static on a T.V. for a long time is not a healthy thing to do. Watch Netflix instead.
  28. If you are turning 33. Get some friends or close family members to keep you company.
  29. If you are in a musty cold pond at midnight in the middle of the forest. Take some time to think if you want to go see terrifying undersea ruins.
  30. If you are supposed to write a contract in blood, don’t fucking sign it. Normal government contracts will accept any contract signed with ink not blood.
  31. Do not buy any games in stores that are way underprice or the cartridge is messed up in any way, meaning labels missing, name written in sharpie, or bootlegs.
  32. If you do go through with getting the game, take note of any or all unusual things about the game. Missing textures, distorted music, or any game breaking glitches. Take that sucker out of whatever you’re playing it on and take a hammer to it.
  33. If you find or buy a computer from any shady circumstances and see any video file followed by “.AVI” it is best to delete it immediately.
  34. If you get yourself a new camera and find that the previous owner left videos on it. Respect their privacy and delete them.
  35. If you are driving home at night and someone at the side of the road stops you and asks if they can have a ride. Calmly and politely tell them “no” and possibly run over their foot if you get the chance.
  36. If you come in contact with a female covering her mouth asking you if she’s beautiful. Say she’s above average.
  37. If you are in any situation when you think you are in a horror movie. Think of that black lady in the movie theater screaming “He behind the door”!
  38. If you have urges or hear voices to hurt or kill someone, seek medical help.
  39. If you find a disk with a picture of sonic on it, put it in your computer and see a file that says “Sonic.exe” do not play it. Or else a demon that looks like Sonic will come kill you.
  40. In fact do not open any file on ANY strange computer ending in “.exe” don’t take the chance.
  41. Do not take the chance of holy water either. Get yourself some Batrachotoxin and have a priest bless it.
  42. If you find any tapes with the name “happy” or “appy” don’t watch them. No matter how much you want to know what’s on it.
  43. If you are in a psychiatric institution at night, take some time to consider what the hell you’re doing there, and then proceed to quickly and quietly leave.
  44. Do not under any circumstances google “smiling huskies” in images, you might find the need to spread the word. You do not want that.
  45. Get a cat. These felines are better at detecting any or all paranormal entities or any potential intruders, and if desperate throw the cat at whatever’s about to kill you.
  46. Craigslist and EBay are the black market of the internet. Amazon might be more expensive but you have less of a risk of getting kidnapped, drugged, loss of organs, or worse, getting ripped off.
  47. Always keep an eye out when you are at a Disney park. No matter how sweet they always seem, you can’t trust those parks.
  48. If there is an electrical issue in your house, there’s a good 98% chance that it’s a killer, ghost, or demon. The 2% that it’s an actual electrical issue is just for shits and gigs.
  49. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, make any deals with demons, angels or devils that you might encounter.
  50. If you are with your friends and they think spending some time in abandon or spooky areas or buildings. It’s time for you to get some new friends.
  51. Do not hide! It is better if you keep moving away from whatever is trying to kill you. Hiding is you’re last resort if you’re in a tight spot.
  52. There is nothing wrong with scary stories during the day, but if you find yourself at two o’clock in the morning reading creepypastas, you have an issue.
  53. Do not follow any rules to a game that can possibly kill you. If you’re friends try to pressure you into it, you have terrible friends.
  54. As a matter a fact do not play any game that you find on the internet involving, overly complicated rules, playing at night, playing in the dark, or have the price of you losing your mortal soul.
  55. If you end up at some really crappy motel in the middle of the night because you saw “a red thing” take some time to think about your money, life, and sanity.
  56. Clowns are always evil. In any given situation.
  57. Camping with friends is a bad idea. Camping with friends with guns and weapons is a good idea.
  58. If you do decide to go with your friends to one of their parents log cabins in the middle of the woods, do a headcount of everyone before you leave.
  59. No matter what, splitting up inside of a haunted house is always a bad idea.
  60. Cleverbot or any internet website that can have some type of conversation with you is to be avoided.
  61. If you are sleeping and wake up to find a man in a black hoodie, blue mask with black liquid coming out of its eyes, taking one of your kidneys. Go back to sleep and let the man finish his job and go see a doctor the next day. You can live with one kidney. If not see previous defense rules.
  62. If you finally realized the creature with no arms has stalked you back to your house and is now about to kill you, remember, it doesn’t have arms. Your only enemy is your physical/mental health or lack of common sense.
  63. Do not blink. If you are face to face with a creature that moves to a great distance in the time it took you to blink, it would be wise not to blink. Close one eye at a time, and if you can’t do that, blink as a last resort.
  64. If your boss tells you to go to some creepy ass place that you do not want to go to, think about what’s more important your job or your life.
  65. Spirits, Ghosts, and Demons are all different. The only similarity is that they probably want something from you.
  66. No matter what you think there is not a fifth door at the end of a hallway with only four doors.
  67. Do not be apart of slender sickness. Just simply avoid anything related to slender man for about a month. If it doesn’t work, congratulations you are officially apart of an undead army.
  68. If you find yourself in a mannequin factory my question to you is this. What the hell are you doing with your life? Leave.
  69. If you wake up one night and find what appears to be some type of shaven dog human thing at the end of your bed, hopefully you’ve followed rules six, thirteen, and forty one.
  70. If someone you know very well starts acting the same but doing things outrageously different, assume they're a shapeshifting witch and search your basement walls for a tunnel.
  71. Do not pick up a doll that comes with a needle or a defect. ESPECIALLY a defect.
  72. Also if you are a grown adult who does not play with or like dolls then there is no reason for you to have one.
  73. There’s nothing wrong with being too observant. If you notice someone you don’t know but seen WAY TOO often, you’re being stalked.
  74. Killing is never a good solution, but if you do decide to kill. Do it without fear.
  75. If you know that there’s something behind you that’s about to kill you, no need to keep your death waiting.
  76. If you see shadow figures in the doorway of your room, you may suffer sleep paralysis, or you might be dead.
  77. If you were to encounter slender man in the woods grab the nearest child and throw it at him and run for your life.
  78. If there is no nearby child hopefully you can run like hell. None of the rules can kill slender man. To put it bluntly, you’re fucked.
  79. If you are a child in the woods and happen to encounter slender man run so that no nearby adult can throw you at slender man.
  80. If a creature that is currently after you is missing the lower half of it's body and its only way of moving itself is by crawling and dragging itself, it is your own fault that it kills you.
  81. "Who was phone?" Is always a good question to ponder. Also who answers a phone while kissing a dead person's sexy daughter? A douche that's who.
  82. Attempting any rituals, speaking a strange language, or reading a book written by the actual Devil should be avoided.
  83. There is simply no reason to listen to any music or watch movies that cause suicidal urges. It's also best to avoid those same things that are known to have strange consequences to them.
  84. Refrain from using the terrifying beings one true name. There’s probably a reason people gave it a nick.
  85. Cemeteries are bad places for anything. Especially in foggy conditions and on Halloween.
  86. Even if the legend you read that managed to convince you to do a satanic ritual that summoned a demon thats about to fuck your ass states that it cannot be killed with bullets it doesn't mean that it can’t be wounded. A broken leg is not a figure of speech its a fucking leg thats broken. Unless the demon has multiple legs then you’re fucked.
  87. Before you pray to satan and ruin your soul you may want to stop and think if summoning a demon and getting nothing in return at the cost of your soul is worth it.
  88. Buy a dog. They will defend you until the end until you summon a creature with the tears of a thousand dead orphans eats it and shits it out of its reanimated body.
  89. Everyone’s scared of something. If you say that you’re not afraid of anything then you’re a fucking liar.
  90. If you ever see a strangely new door with a face on it at a building you swore wasn’t there before. An Old Chateau for example. Do not. Open it.
  91. Never allow anyone to take a picture of you with an outdated camera. If it’s too late your only bet is to gamble with death or trap him in a photo as that appears to be effective.
  92. Never confront animated puppets physically. Subdue them with spells or else they will come back with an army of minions or with a physical body.
  93. If you find yourself unable to escape dancing may ward off the entity. Doing the hokey pokey is known to scare off curious monsters but you might have to moonwalk to deal with zombies.
  94. Be careful when buying a secondhand TV.
  95. Don’t go to your friends house to bake cupcakes when they are known to have random spurts of insanity.
  96. For the love of God turn off your faucet when you’re done using it.
  97. No good can come from owning a shiny Pokemon.
  98. Don’t go on freaky websites.
  99. Don’t go to freaky places.
  100. Don’t click on freaky videos.
Follow these rules to the letter. More rules may follow soon.
submitted by LockOutDotEXE to u/LockOutDotEXE

[Table] IAmA Irish person who has lived in china for the past seven years, does reddit have any questions?

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2012-08-08
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Link to my post
Questions Answers
How's the government? The laws for exemple, any wierd ones? And last, how are the people you meet? Kind? Cold? Assholes? etc... Well, Government wise they check on us foreigners like every three months to see if we're here legally, apart from hundreds of blocked sites nth else is much to notice, umm...well two laws I've learned first hand is if someone instigates a fight and the instigator gets the shit beat out of him the victims have to pay all his hospital bills plus compensation. another is if you're driving and an asshole in front of you decides to slam on the breaks for the fun of it and you hit him/her you have to pay all there repairment costs and compensation, same would be if some asshole slaps on the breaks causing a 17 car collision then the last car to bump pays for all 17 cars... Well, apart from being hospitalised with a fractured skull last year after being beaten with a brick and a few beer bottles for the sole reason that I'm a foreigner life has been pretty ok, Have a bunch of bros who would do anything for me and me for them and well yup,hope you get the point haha, I tend to stay away from assholes==
Tell me more about the getting hospitalized just for being a foreigner, I was considering going to China to teach. This disturbs me. Ok, so heres what happened, I was working at a bar as a foreign correspondant and a chinese mate comes in at the end of my shift, offers to bring me for a few drinks and sheep kebab, he said i can crash at his place so I agreed. (Note:He lives pretty far from city centre,anyone interesting in google map can search 北京东坝) so we were there just me and him chattin and having a beer and a sheeps leg each,and there as another table to our right backside, well as the time went on they offered us cigarettes and came over to cheer with us and strike up a chat,things goin well anyway and after bout a half an hour they say they're leaving so we say goodbye and that was that,until...five minutes later(note: this is when things start getting hazy) I got a brick(yes a building brick,red one) busted in half over my head, my face slammed off the table and bounced back up just to be greeted with a bottle smashing into pieces on what i can presume was the same spot i previously got hit, anyway animal instinct kicks in and I stand up turn around and think holy fuck its them,all bottles and bricks(Not too hot on what happened next, I had a concussion and would later find out i had a fractured skull) well things blurred, and i looked to my friend who was also standing up unharmed,next thing i know the owner of the kebab stall grabs me and throws me inside his shack,locks the door and tells me stay there, two-three minutes later hes like they're gone, I walk over and ask where my friendd is and he's like,over there and then I started crying, man was my friend fucked, to this day he's still in emergency care in a vegetablised state,,,his head was the size of a basketball,his shoes ten metres away from him on the ground etc...I visit him twice a week and have helped him pay all his medical bills so far,doctors said theres a chance of recovery. note this happened last august. Sorry if my storys a bit long and confusing...but In the fight and when i was being hit and later according to witnesses the reason of this savage beating was because I'm a foreigner,'nuff said, and my friend got it cos he was hanging out with a foreigner.
That's horrible, I'm so sorry for you. It's ok~
No offense intended... but couldn't this be more related to you hooking up with 26 random chicks behind the bars than you being a foreigner? No mate, as stated in the further.posts this place was terribly far from city centre and also, im not a manwhore, i didnt plow thru 26 in a month or sth if you knw what i mean, it was 26 throughoit seven years amd some of which I regret, drunken mistakes..
Are you a juicy contradiction? Not sure what you're getting at-_-
Link to www.youtube.com. Chinese... Japanese... Korean... What's the difference? Link to www.youtube.com. Umm...youtubes blocked here mate...but umm...If you're questioning my credibility I can prove it one way or another.
It's a funny Starburst candy commercial about a Korean who lives in Scotland and acts stereotypically Scottish, which is viewed as a strange clash of cultures (a juicy contradiction). MrDreamBlind was wondering if you are an Irishman that acts stereotypically Chinese. Ahahaha alright it sounds funny when explained like that,sorry for not understanding @ mrdreamblind and thx for explaining @novadaemon, umm, well to behonest my thinking has been changed slightly, like if i see a foreigner i dont think oh a dude, i think ohhh a foreigner yet i look at chn ppl completely normal...i knw rite==
You must provide proof of your identity in the body of your post when you submit your IAmA. And how do I provide proof of my identity?-_-
Wanna know how I know you're white? Cos I uploaded pics?←_←
Give some proof you are a) an Irish person b)Lived in China and c) did it for 7 years or something similar. Otherwise you could be some sweaty neck beard sitting in his mothers basement making up bullshit stories while jacking off to ZGB. Wish I had facebook== So you're absically asking me for my passport photocopy, pics of me for the last 2555 days?(yes i used a calculator) and all the copies of my visa extensions even tho during mid way i have had to update my passport...?if thats not what youre saying man then pm me,and also tell me where i should place this stuff.
Do you eat asian/chinese food every day now? Or do you miss any food in particular from Ireland? Well, Depends what I'm in the mood for haha I ofcourse eat the food of the gods(Nutella) but I usually have chinese every second day, well...I miss a good fish and chip and sausage rolls:S.
I bet you miss the milk. Every irish person i know who goes abroad suffers on account of the shitty milk everywhere else. Jesus u got that spot on, also another "what i wouldnt give for a" factor.
Taytos? To tell the truth I'd kill for a pack of monster munch (They still have em?)
Yes we still have em. Ah yes`~
But they're called mighty munch now. Well as long as insides the same i dun care,thx for the heads up~
Is it true that men and women, boys and girls, will just drop trau and take a shit on the side of the road? I hear that it's an issue with mainlanders visiting HK, etc. Oh yes,very true...they say it is ultimately unhygienic to wear diapers...wtf.... so theyd rather have there childrens wee-wees and hoo-has out in the dirt etc....boggles the mind man, china is like.. aight its too fucked up, if anyone can make a suitable reference of words they got my upvote.
I've never seen a fellow Irishman type 'aight' and 'bros' etc. What county are you from ? New York? Sorry man, just writing it like that cos i presumed reddit was mostly americans←_← Im from meelick county clare if youre wondering.
But it's still children? You don't see teenagers or adults just saying "dang, I gotta pinch one off right now" and just go at it? Babies I can almost understand. They shit everywhere anyways. But when you can make a conscious decision to drop a loaf somewhere, and you do, then it's different. Well...if thats the case then u usually just see guys pissing on a wall and whatnot, u never rly see a grownup woman pissin in the middle of the street.
The Americans would make up a large percentage alright but you don't need to pander to them in that kind of way. They're generally a smart bunch and it's not like anyone is expecting you to labhairt as Gaeilge ;) Cheers for the AMA by the way, it's food for thought. Any info or experiences with teaching in South Korea? Haha alright then sound,nah sorry man i haven't.
Why did you grow tired of teaching English? What are Chinese women like compared to western women? Has anyone accidentally spat on you? Have you lived in any other Oriental countries? And if so, then what are the differences you've noticed? Because their level of english is too low, it gets highly frustrating.. In what way are you referring to? I ggot snotted on by an old woman... lived in hk for a month, People are alot more civilised, thats basically it~
I meant what are Chinese women like in a dating/relationship sense, compared to western women. Very..well...braindead IMO...and in multiple foreign friends opinion... I think it's cos of the one child policy, all of them are princesses, spoiled rotten, there are 30 year olds who love hello kitty== They throw hissy fits in public,stomp there feet if they don't get what they want, well...to sum it up...they are mentally immature, basically the same as children. I'd pick a westerner for a relationship anyday but...damn some asians are hot:S.
Are you doing this self.IAmA because you feel very tall and lonely? Hahahaha, man im 1.82 and lately yao mings seem to be popping up everywhere...scary shit.
How do you get a visa that allows you to stay for so long? Is prostitution quite common? Did you work/live with other western people or just chinese? Did you learn to speak mandarin? I work... Umm..yes it is, You can find them in most KTV's for around 200-300 rmb, do the math yourself.. umm,yes when i was teaching english, mostly american or canadians, but also alot of phillipine ppl. I'm fluent in reading writing and oral.
'YOU RANT RICE WIT DAT?' Dude...its china,you dont want rice they dont care,you get rice
How did you slip past the knight of new? What's new for?
It sounds like a place I would hate visiting honestly. The lack of manners sounds like something that would piss me off. Also the lack of cleanliness... yuck.... How do you eat food there? do people really just shit in the streets? the fuck? Children shit in the streets, dont get it too twisted in ur head lol, well...i usually make my own food or go to western restaraunts, if i got nth to make ill order and eat with my own utensils,as to at dinner with chinese mates ill just wing it~
What about a black guy? Black guys get all the ladies, sad rly:(
Was there a large Irish community out there? I remember seeing something on tg4 there a while ago where some guy in china was trying to set up a GAA club...I've always wondered was there genuinely an Irish community out there or just one guy trying to get a grant! Well man to be honest, I have only met like 5 irish people in my whole seven years, four of those 5 were at a bar on holidays and we drank an hour or two, the other one was a mate for about three months teaching gaelic football then he went off home and that was that~
What province did you work at? What did you like most about china? What did you like Least about china? Favorite dish? Beijing,liaoning,shanxi. Cheap beer and cigarettes. peoples manners. has always been.....(drum roll) egg fried rice fuck yea.
Aside from the language, what is the biggest adjustment you have made as a foreigner in china? Well, the customs here are alot different and people on the streets are very unhygienic/rude. they'll smoke right into your face, ask you alot of personal questions,constantly marvel at the fact that you're a foreigner(老外pronounced lau wy) spit all over the street and well...you'd have to be here to understand what I'm truly getting at. Apart from that would also be the food which was really hard getting used to at the start and also numerous other factors.
I think some of the rudeness/lack of hygiene depends on where you are as well. China is pretty large, not all of it is backwards. But you know that. Well man, in my vast adventures across china and living in the daily lifestyle theres only one place I haven't seen this stuff, hang zhou,杭州,otherwise known as chinas own heaven on earth, man...i did not wanna leave that place.
Are you teaching english? or working a job? I have a friend or two over there doing it. Was teaching for a bit, got extremely tedious, now I've decided damn I don't wanna be here any longer and am waiting for my visa to expire so i can nope the fuck outta here hehe (I should explain that in the 7 years I've been here I have yet to return home or visit other western countries)
Why do you need to wait for your visa to expire? Why can't you just up and leave now? Cos i don't want to:S... and also because well.....cheap booze and cigarettes man.
What's the plan so? Heading back to Ireland, not sure to do what yet,just miss home.
You couldn't pick a worse time to come back. Well I heard the economy is the worst it's ever been but well, I'll see how it goes~
You could teach chinese language to europeans! Have considered it actually~
It's terrible.. people are leaving.. 1000 a week or something.. could end up dole bound for a couple of years. I heard everyones going to canada, but well, either way I gotta head back for a while, people have passed away while I was gone including my grandad who passed last month so..yup.
Hey, just to add to that thought; my friend taught English in China for 4-5 years. Came back blagged his way onto a PGCE (teaching qualification) and is now teaching Mandarin to school kids. I think there's also a decent market in teaching business men and women. Thanks, to be honest if things don;t work out in Ireland I'm planning on hitting up canada to see how it goes and truth be told Teaching chinese in the future has been in my plan:) So thanks somuch and good luck to you too.
Sorry to hear dude.. whereabouts you from? Meelick co.clare.
Have you ever been to Tibet? How was your journey like? Never been, If i went there I wouldn't be allowed back in to china...umm...that word might get me blocked from reddit btw...so lets refrain frm using it and call it the smurfs or sth.
That sucks dude, if you ever get the chance to go Para, GO. It's fucking amazing, minus the tense atmposphere in the citys though. Well I'm thinking of visiting the land of smurfs after I get back to ireland~ always been a big fan,always was dissapointed bout the restrictions here tho.
Have you met any other Irish folks? Do people stare because you look different? Well it was previously mentioned(although at this point it's pretty hard to find in the mountain of comments)but yeah man, I've met 5 altogether, four at bars and they were on holidays and one who used to teach gaelic football here, were frds around 3 months when he went back home,so yeah, going by my experience they really are few and far apart which is pretty sad:S.
What do you miss most about Ireland? Chocolate, rain rain RAINNNNN, good ole meal, garlic chips and cheese, my relatives, my dad and sister umm...well...it's too much to type when theres so many more posts to reply too so I'll sum it up, damnit man I miss everything!!T_T.
Is table tennis really that popular in china? How popular is table tennis in comparison to football, tennis, rugby, etc? And how important is sport in china? China is about the best(or second best) cuntry in this years olympics how much is shown in tv? how patriotic are the people? Well from what I've seen it isn;t incredibly popular but it's usually people in school that play it the most. basketball takes the no.1 place in popularity here which is sad cos i dont play, but thankfully after that there's football(soccer) which is pretty popular and slowly increasing with chinas improvement in there football league, but sadly apart from a few fitness freaks I haven't had much of a challenge, they're not exactly...good at it...at all.. but on the other hand theres a small minority that can make your jaw drop so yeah.as for rugby etc i havent checked it out, oh umm, golf is pretty popular among the 30-40+
Ever been an average or decent looking white guy in Asia? All you have to do is stand in a baclub and you'll get some. Exactly.
What is the beer like in China? Well, they have there own brand "tsingtao/青岛" which you can get bottled or in draft at a pub, its pretty worth it for the price (15RMB a pint,umm...2-3 dollars?) and well,if you don't like it you can always get other foreign beers, corona, bud,guinness etc.
[Tried tsingtao whilst in Beijing. It wasn't for me, to say the least =](http://www.reddit.com/IAmA/comments/xvk7y/iama_irish_person_who_has_lived_in_china_for_the/c5q0bzi?context=5) Well thats too bad man considering it's so cheap n' all:(
Did you live in one of the giant well know cities or a smaller city? Is the pollution really bad? Did you drive or is public transport quite good? Well ive lived in the poorest parts of china and all over but am currently livin in beijing.WELL.....Alright,all jokes aside its disastrous.. used to ride motorbike,sold it, now use subway mostly.
Great AMA, first off! I was in Guangzhou for about 5 months for school last year, lots of great memories. After 7 years, why no VPN? Did you have one and decided it wasn't worth it, or just never got around to it? I bet you've done a fair bit of travelling. Where is your favorite place to go on holiday? Best vacation story? Thanks mate, well I used to use hotspot shield(free vpn) but since it stopped working for me like 2 or 3 years ago I just couldnt be bother my arse to get a new one so thats y i dun have one~ Best place I went was hainan, thunder and lightning on the beach, it rained the whole time I was there, Ppl may think it sounds stupid or lame or sth but damn i love rain haha, and it was pretty great,played xbox 360 four player Call of duty while having beers, then if we got bored wed walk around exploring,pretty much it~
Could you speak a little on visa types? I had a company offer me an F visa to teach this year, and I the offer is still open, how risky would you say it is? ( I realize the F is illegal to work on) If one was found, what would be the ramifications? If it was me I wouldn't take it unless the case was when you get there they'll switch you on to a Z visa man, chinese government are cranking down on alot of foreign related shit and if you get caught on an f visa you will either be deported or have to go to the detention centre, so you should get that clear with them mate, Z visa or nothing.
你有沒有操過中國的女孩? 喜歡愛爾蘭的女孩還是中國的女孩? 有干过几个吧, 我个人只对亚洲人来那种劲儿所以嗯。。。现在的女朋友是新加坡人,挺牛逼你的,国外的思想和亚洲人的身材呵呵呵, 你怎么打繁体的啊?香港人?台湾人?
哈哈, 非常好. 新加坡的女孩? 跟她說國語還是英語? 我是加拿大華人. 不是打出來的. 我寫的. 不知道怎樣打 lol . where did you stay in China? 英语汉语通说~他跟我一样两个都好呵呵, 啊好吧华人啊~ 几乎走遍中国了。。。~~
Why is it that, no matter where I go in the world, I can find an excellent Irish pub? Also, what is your favorite pub in China? Cos we're the best drinkers+advertisement purposes haha,well if you ever get to beijing hit up first floor in sanlitun bar street(三里屯酒吧街的一楼酒吧) I'm there almost daily, great drinks,solid draft, nice beef burger if i may add and great athmosphere.
Have you retained an Irish accent or have you developed a 'twang'? I've proudly retained my Irish accent:)
Would you mind posting an audio clip of you speaking Chinese? My brain can't decide what Chinese with an Irish accent sounds like. Well...where would i post this to? this can be solved alot easier provided ure an iphone or android user,if so download an app called WEchat. free whatsapp type messenger, fully awesome lol.
Wait so do all of your (former) students have Irish accents too ??? Unfortunately no, I do like what I've been trying to do with this thread, I jist kill my accent and thats that... only feels natural when in irelqnd or talking to my family, otherwise its just a dead bland accent that I use.
Do you eat mostly spicy food now instead of salty? No not really, I've liked spicy foods since I was born so I personally tend to edge towards spicy foods but you can find alot of salty/bittesweet foods etc here so your diet isn't extremely restricted,also if you feel really (insert yao ming ugh face) then you can always hit up a foreign restaraunt so yeah~
Sichuan would welcome you, first time I had "water boiled beef" i thought they really meant beef boiled in water...how wrong was I. :( I'm glad you are doing well, I"m full chinese and I don't speak mandarin...eesh :-/ How does it feel that you could outdrink most people in the country? Haha pretty good i guess but damn in the seven years ive been here ive spent four tracking down the best drinkers, now my best mates all chinese, damn weve all drank one another under the table one time or another~ was just out with em again last night,christ was i shitfaced.
Did any Chinese women try to marry you/ were you popular with the ladies? Thank god no for the first one. and to answer no.2, still am B-)
Irish I had lived in China! Sorry about the pun. Now questions. What did you think was the weirdest part of their culture? Also, where in Ireland are you from? Meelick co.clare. well....Mostly hygiene related things...I'm a real somewhat clean freak and don;t like when a bunch of ppl all have saliva on there chopsticks and keep eating off the ame plates together, also they have weird superstitions/traditions? like if you have a baby girl you have to squeeze/pinch her nipples till water comes ut,when this happens it will guarantee she has a huge rack when shes older, diapers are unhygienic etc etc.
How common is it to find a cheap rip off/fake of a real product? (iPhone, Laptop, Usb device, so on) and have you had problems like that? with scams? VERY common, knock off iphone can be anywhere from 200rmb to 1600rmb. laptops not much but u can get a sony/apple/toshiba (they all look the same as another and run xp mind you) for around 1600 rmb, usb device u can pick up a fake 16gb for around 60 rmb and so on. never been scammed,if i want fake ill intentionally buy fake lol.
The reason why I wanted to know is because my dad is actually in China for business and he said he'll bring some tech back and my paranoia said "no" Well if thats the case youd be better off going with hardware than anything else, phns and laptops are a no-go but a usb disk wouldnt hurt~also bags or wallets aint to be missed.
I'm taking guess that you speak Mandarin? That being said, what did you find most difficult learning? I've picked up bits of it from friends. Well..to this day I still find difficulties with the umm....pronunciation of some words, the way they have the four sounds(hard to explain==) but apart from seldom fuckups I read speal and write perfectly.
My wife's dad remarried a chinese woman. her son came to visit us here in the states, he lives in NZ. he hates china with a passion, says government is only there for presence, doesn't do anything to help the poor. unles you live in hong kong, you are most likely poor. Do you see any of this? how do you feel about it, not being a native? I get where he's coming from but I wouldn't say only hk ppl are rich, there are so many "new rich" here,like they sold there farm or cold mines or rent houses etc and they all drive lambos audis ferraris bmws the like, man sometimes it seemd like the most common car here is audi a6..
Well, he hasn't been back to china in at least 10 years, maybe its changed. i just know he will never go back. Well thats too bad,to each his own.
I know what you mean. It isn't just the Chinese either had a Polish buddy that would laugh his ass off at me when I tried to pronounce his last name. "Brezhinski", I think, sounded like a fucking dying blender. Hahahahaha, nice use of words~ you get my upvote:P But yeah, can really tick you off.
I'm pretty new too. You said earlier that " I must hav had an interesting life". Well, yeah, I've seen some shit for only being 32. I'm trying to get my licenses to work on commercial shipping vessels. In the engine room. It pays really good, and I'll get to travel a lot. Well man what Can I say? I hope all the best for you! And upvotes away~!
I'm sure you've experienced, when walking around, people bumping into you. What I mean with that is both of you have room to walk but they seem to walk into your path to bump into you. Has this happened often? Do you have any idea why some do this? Also, do they, in general, seem to talk louder than necessary to each other? Same as before; have any guesses as to why this is? It's happened to me a few times, some non-intentional example a dope staring at his phone, others intentional but for what reason I still don't know, and yea man, chinese people shouldnt even need phones,most've the time they're shouting into the phones like its completely normal(not arguing or cursing)
Ever get robbed? How safe did you feel? Thankfully never got robbed, altho I lost my phn a couple of times in taxis, to be honest all in all you feel very safe walking around here~
Is the Tiananmen Square protests of 1989 acknowledged by society in general? Is it mentioned in the press every 4th of June? Are there any major news events that they do not cover or acknowledge? It's usually not acknowledged by the younger generations but find someone in there 60's or 70's and you get a nice good story, My former chinese teacher was a 68 year old man, caterpillar eyebrows rly cool guy, he lived in france for thirteen years or sth during or after the cultural revolution,he said on the tiananmen tank crushing day his son stood in front of the tank, he said if it wasnt for him saving his sons ass he wouldve been mush too. Well...alot of news here gets restricted, especially any news harmful to china a s a whole so yeah, that's basically the gist of it.
As a fellow Irishman I must ask. Does being in China make the Irish Curse seem fiction? Irish curse?! what irish curse?! blasphemy ;) if you know what i mean.
What are the average Chinese person's perceptions of the West like? Tall,big nose,rich. that about sums it up.
This might have been asked already, but here goes. Do they treat you any differently because your Irish as opposed to British or American? Or is there just one attitude towards Westerners? Just one attitude towards westerners, unless you're russian.... Mainly because a majority of the russian women here are prostitutes and the men well...I dunno what the men do== (No offence intended to any russian redditors)
Do you miss Tayto crisps? And Cadburys chocolate? What typical Irish things do you miss? Cadburys turkish, golden crunch,sausage rolls,supermacs,fish nd chip, crisps crisps crisps all of em, miss so much, you cant even get a garlic chip n cheese anywhere here...oh the humanity...
I don't think there's much difference... maybe shanghai people can be a bit more snobby/commanding? They're still both chinese people living in a big city.. Well it's just a thing of North and South, matters alot in China for some reason... They're always insulting each other yet when it comes to marriage in alot of situations the parents always encourage to marry someone far away(It's actually to prevent the idea of them somehow being related somewhere up the family tree)
Forget about immigrants, so many tourists wtf Haha well what can be done man? It gives the country money and that's all they care about as far as I'm concerned~
Did they have any good beers in China that you found? What were the alcohols of choice? Usually local beer and bai jiu, but god is bai jiu horrible.... its around the same percentage of vodka (42 percent thereabouts/ theres also a 52/56?) but after two or three small glasses im hammered(not shot glasses)
Isnt there another subreddit for this?? I'm not sure.... New to reddit, thought this was it, if I'm wrong well then I wouldn't mind if the mods moved it.
Did you face any discrimination at all? Well most foreigners do one way or another, be it for being white,black, other asian,hispanic etc. also we're always sterotyped as having huge noses and to be having fortunes just burning in our pockets, and contrary to our belief ive heard a few times that they think foreigners all look the same which was pretty sad.
I was in China for a month and one of the things that startled me the most was the driving. How do you deal with their crazy closeness, ignoring street markings sometimes, etc? Always find a human shield, if not well then...be extra careful.
This is a serious question, how easy is it to get cat/dog meat? Dog meat is pretty easy to get depending on where you live, you can find it in multiple places in beijing, but for dog and cat meat you'd either have to head up north or all the way down south(both have it), this was just in my experiences.
Why did you use freeimagehosting.net and not imgur ? Cos imgur doesnt load properly:S.
Last updated: 2012-08-12 17:45 UTC
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