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[Table] IAmA: I self-publish my own children's books & I think you should too. AMA

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-05-28
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Link to my post
Questions Answers
How much have you made off writing children's books so far? And how long have you been making them? And on a more fun note: What's your favorite part of being a children's book author? In total, a bouts $1,500... minus web hosting, time, promotional stuff... I'm about $3,000 or so in the hole... worth it.
What kind of promotional efforts have you done besides this AMA? I dabble in SEO... google 'kids author'
Everyone interested in this thread should probably also take a look at this other IAmA thread, created in response to aMANescape's thread: Link to www.reddit.com. I love that this has happened :)
Where would one start if they wanted to self publish is it expensive? My good friend, it is completely free. I use a company called CREATE SPACE... It's an off-shoot company of Amazon. You sign up and they walk you through the whole process from uploading your story to how much money you want to make per book sold. They take care of sales channels online (eg. Amazon), printing and delivery of your book. So it's free AND you donts gotsa do jack every time someone buys one :)
Wow thanks i'm gonna check it out. I want a link to a book by you asap! 10/10 will buy!
Does this service only do print books, or do they take care of Kindle/Nook/other e-reader editions as well? I've been long planning to write an actually useful, "teach yourself" style textbook for adults to learn Hungarian... This summer I may just take the big step! I think so yeh... There's links in there to Amazon Author Central and KDP select which do ebooks for kindle n such though...
Thanks for this. I have always wanted to publish a (some) children's book(s), but never knew where to get started. Happy to help. My contact deets are on my website if you ever get stuck with stuff in the future and need a hand. Peace.
Thanks for posting about this. I've written 2 short kids' books (think Grug/Mr. Men) that teaches kids about little things like not to be worried on their first day of school. My question is, can Amazon organise illustration? I can't draw for shyte, and neither can any of my friends.. I don't think so... I reckon give it a go yourself! Maybe even ask Link to www.reddit.com for help...
I think this is the most wonderful advice I've ever seen on reddit. Big call.
So if the work part is done for you, what sets apart a book that will make you money from one that won't? A bit of luck, a weirder story than most maybe, the fact that I will talk to strangers on the internet and answer ALL questions that get thrown at me... i dunno.
Excellent Mr burns?
I made a indian cookbook for my mom's senior group,th concept was great, seniors teaching the youth about their favorite dishes. We used createspace as well, we ordered 200 copies,but we have not sold one copy on Amazon. :-( Link to www.amazon.com Why did you order 200 copies??
Does Amazon take a percentage of your money earned? If so, how much? Yeh, they take a slice... worth it.
I've been thinking of doing this for a while! Thank you very much for this post! Q. What's been the hardest part of your book making experience? Do you do your own illustration? Maybe just telling people... there's a million people writing stories and there is a good chance a lot of people really really really don't give a flying fuck about my shitty efforts... I do my own yes :)
Congrats on your success my friend! Question on create space: they take money from the sales right? It's obvious that it's an incredible resource and a good idea for anyone trying to self publish. I'm just curious on how they could exist otherwise, and if so how much? Sorry to ask so many questions. Thank you kind sir... yeh... they have a minimum selling price for each product (depending on the dimensions of the book, how many pages etc.) which I imagine covers things for them on their end... and then yeh... it's fairly straight forward, you just add how much you want to make per sale and they combine that with their fixed prices to make the total cost of the book. I usually say like $3 per book... but you can say $1000 or something weird if you like :)
Wow... really? I need to learn to research better. Coming this christmas: some shit I wrote a couple years ago. Now to find an illustrator... Best.seller.
What do they do for illustrations? You gota do your own there I'm afraid... if you want any that is.
It sorta sounds like that company is publishing it then. I guess I don't really know what self publishing means. You get to retain the rights to your book? What would you get from a traditional publishing company that you don't get from self publishing? They get your book in stores and do a bunch of added promo that is just too expensive to justify for common folk like me.
So is time and effort the only thing I need to pay? Like, am I charged before or after someone buys a book of mine? Thanks for the AMA btw! No charges... the only reason you may need to give bank details is to accept a deposit... I just get cheques... becauuuse you are making them money...
Really, thanks. I especially appreciate the offer to help. When this whole thing blows over, you and I should get an apartment together!
If Shitty_Watercolour illustrated my book, I would be sooo happy... No no... Link to www.reddit.com
I'm looking to be the louis vuitton on childrens books. Haha... $1,000,000,000 children's books for celebrities!
I like your enthusiasm, buddy! You can come to my launch party! Yes. I'm coming. where n when?
Yikes. Hehe... Catness Neverclean... just got it :)
Can we be friends? Me??? yes :)
Isn't that what they linked to? Nope.
Yep, cheers. i'm currently using an asus tablet with a chinese-purchased keyboard which...doesn't work very well :) Hehe ass-us.
This is how you know you spend to much time writing for children, not enough time with adults. Yarr.
This page from one of your books, Link to image.slidesharecdn.com I am not sure whether to be amused or horrified. Perhaps both. :P. :) My story has managed to tap in to a new undiscovered human emotion that is a mix between amusement and horror.. success! :) I shall name this new emotion... rob towner.
Somehow, I'm okay with this. :) Are you asking me out?
That escalated quickly. My cat would be jealous anyhow. your cats with me now
With you meow? Hehe.. ahhh... *sigh.
By the way.. my mom was planning on making children books one day.. she always has wanted to.. but it sounds like it doesn't make money the way you are doing it. There's definitely other ways... I wouldn't say I'm the expert on all the ways... if money isn't an issue and she wants to create something that lasts forever*, then she should defs make something happen! :)
*forever may not end up being forever and more like a couple of years.
How many hours a week does it take to write one of these books? I work the regular old 9-5 gig. I just write a story whenever it takes my fancy. It usually takes around 4-5 hours to go from having just an idea to having that idea available in book form on Amazon X.
What is the typical income like from one of these books, say, over a 2 week or a 1 month period? EDIT: Oh, also... income... not so great. But who gives a shit right? You're telling fuckin timeless tales here that will live on long after you die!
So this is more of a hobby? How much of your income in the last year was from your stories (percentage or number if you're comfortable)? Do you think you're going to make more and more as you write? And lastly, sorry for all the questions, I just find this interesting, do you see a future in the 'children's stories' career? No worries... Roughly made around $1500 total last year which pales in comparison to all my expenses... But I love it to death! My dream is to be doing this for a living, we'll see how we go...
So just so I am clear you were the number 1 best seller but you only got around $1500. There really isn't that much money in publishing is there! That was from the ebook which costs like 2.99... I get like 15 cents per sale on those things...
PS. money is not everything... it's most things... but not everything.
Doesn't Amazon pay authors 70% for $2.99 books? You should be getting at least $2 per sale. You may be right actually... yeh... half of the time the book was pumping though was during a promotional period.
If you only got 15 cents where does the rest go? How do the people selling for 60p make any money at all? Amazon take a fair slice, I'm sure how it all gets divd up... But yeh, once I finish a book and throw it up on Amazon... there is zero effort required from me ever again in regards to logistics so I won't bad mouth them... But yeh...
I have a completed book that I wrote and illustrated for my senior project. But it's very dark and depressing - it's about a kid who goes to hell to find his dead dad. Do you think that kind of thing could possibly do well, or do i need to make something more happy and colorful? NO! you need to tell YOUR story REGARDLESS! I love the idea and think it can work... You might only sell one copy (I would buy it), but who cares! Tell your story!
How difficult, on a 1-10 scale is setting up the Amazon account, c/c billing, etc? I would maybe put it one notch above creating a facebook account... I can't remember exactly how long... :/ But yeh... fairly easy.
Ok, I'll go with "fairly easy". I don't do facebook. Thanks. But??? How do you poke people??! Or like when your friends share something they found on the front page of reddit???
My social circle is pitifully small by design. I use email. I set up a twitter account with one of my reddit account names. Used it once. I also use the telephone. Also, if the Feds want any info on me, they're gonna have to work a bit harder. Damn dirty feds.
No, so far, it's just my paranoia. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you... They're probably spying on us right now!
I would hardly say that just anyone should self-publish children's books. There are plenty of books out there have little educational purpose. These books should focus on thematic content, phonological awareness, vocabulary, etc. How would you suggest someone go about to learn how to create quality children's books? *yawn. People should tell the weirdest, most non-educational, fun, interesting stories as possible! we can figure out what's to be learnt from the stories after they're made :)
Children between the toddler years through grade school need explicit instruction when it comes to content and vocabulary. Good children's books emphasize the various elements of print, vocabulary, phonological awareness (which includes both phonics and phonemic awareness, or letter sounds). How do you emphasize those elements in your writing, and how did you "establish" yourself as a writer? Lets never hang out.
I think we should. I could tutor you in English writing and the wonderful world of reading instruction. I can even teach you how to teach print concepts and dialogic reading prompts. I could even read out-loud to you...I love to read in various voices! ;) My contact deets are on my website if you actually do wana hang. Are you naturally a condescending person?
I am a critical thinker, and a children's advocate. A personality test also revealed that I am equally interpersonal and intrapersonal...I am good at assessing myself and others. :) Well alright then... lets flip this rivalry into a friendship :)
What goes on as far as ownership goes, for instance, if scholastic wanted to pick you and your titles up could you just start selling your titles under scholastic or does create space own your titles/name or something like that? Do you have to stay with create space forever? Whats the best thing about working with Create Space? The worst? Good question. To be honest I'm sure how that would work... I very much doubt Scholastic would want to pick up anything that I have done previously... (My stories are pretty out there)... But I am aiming to hopefully get published through traditional means one day... I am happy to just create new stuff when that time comes... (currently working on a few new projects which I am hoping to do something like that with... So far Create Space have been excellent to deal with... They respond to queries fairly quickly and haven't stuffed anything up... yet... They have been a great starting point for me I think because they have made the whole process so simple... Which I know can be daunting for some...
I've always wondered about doing this, too. Could you elaborate a little on your process? After the idea, then what? Steps.
Story book the idea, layout it out roughly on paper.
Outline the idea with felt-tip pen.
Scan pages.
Use photoshop to get your dimensions n colours in there.
Add text with InDesign.
Spit out PDF of your story from there.
Upload PDF to create space and follow the walk-through process.
Then go on reddit and do an AMA & send me a link so I can buy it :)
You can read my latest story for free here - Link to www.slideshare.net
Kewl?? :)
Fell better man. Yes I uh... And how did... Will the... What?
What made you want to start writing/publishing children's books? I think I have always wanted to. I loved reading Roald Dahl books when I was little and yeh... Here' the first story I ever wrote if you are interested (spoiler alert: I know you aren't)... I was 5 btw - Link to www.extremelyshortstories.com
Ronald Dahl was thebomb.com, I was obsessed with him and his illustrator. He is absolutely brilliant. What about him did you like/were inspired by? I actually wrote about how much I wana blow Roald Dahl in my bio here... Should answer your Q... I just think he is theballs.jpg.
Theballs.jpg has been successfully added to my vocabulary. Roalddahlsballs.jpg also works quite nicely this time of year I think...
Do you have kids, either your own, or in your life (like a niece/nephew)? what makes you think kids like it? (This isn't meant to sound as mean as it does). What usually inspires you? Would you say most books you sit down to write work out or no? I'm a fairly weird dude and am usually inspired to create something weird anytime my life feels like its getting too shitty... PS. Thankyou. What do your eyes look like? I'm staring really hard at your username but I can't see...
Your nephew is a her? I fucked up... niece.
[9]? I uh...
So that's how you write your stories! I have been mocked and I love it.
Are your books illustrated? And by whom? Also are these strictly ebooks? Yep. do my own pictures n shit. Pretty simple. Just pencil draw them and then fill the colours in with photoshop. Then I just PDF the whole thing and it's ready to go.
Physical copies also available. You can also buy my books in bulk if you are a school or library.
Thanks! That's awesome! I have wanted to publish children's books for a very long time, but the traditional publishing process is a joke. Thanks again, pal! Rock and roll man :) def send me a link when your done! I love reading stories!
What kinds of socks do you wear? Brown... same colour as my poo. heehee.
Brand? Length? Proof? I lied! They're black. Can you ever forgive me SocksForAllOfUs? - Link to i.imgur.com
I will only forgive if you reply in limerick form with optional illustration. I will never reply in limerick.
Black poo could be the result of internal bleeding. You should get that shit checked out. I could make a blood pudding :)
You, sir, are a good sport regardless of the color of your socks. Cheerio :)
How much self promotion do you have to do for your books, like social media/advertising do you have to do to make a successful selling book? I have had a fair amount of fun trying new ways to talk to people about my stories. I've been on dating websites, tweeted celebrities, done reddit AMA's (*wink) I have little-to-no shame when it comes to self promotion, which helps to some extent with sales... Best thing by far has been learning a little bit of SEO... EG. If you google 'Kids Author' my site is first worldwide...
Holy Crap, It's legit Legit as fuck.
I can't draw for shit. Would this still be feasible? I know ShittyWatercolour wouldn't illustrate my book for me. Either can I my friend... Just make it happen anyways.
I've also published a children's book on Amazon with CreateSpace, but it's only sold one copy and that was to a friend of mine. I offered it free on Amazon for 5 days, 300 people got it free but that didn't help sales at all. I've published other books and they sell, but the children's book isn't selling. I'm thinking I should do a series of 10+ that children's books do better in a series. Do you have any suggestions for increasing sales on children's books? A big thing you might be missing out on is SEO... google 'Kids Author' for example and you'll see what I mean...
Can you elaborate here? Yes. I will. All in good time :)
What do you think of this quote? “A children's story that can only be enjoyed by children is not a good children's story in the slightest.” I agree whole fartedly! :)
“No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally – and often far more – worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.” ? Yes. true. I still have every Roald Dahl book and read them often. So uh, wana be pals n stuff?
Sure. You like ice cream?
I enjoy custard! Sooo... you don't like ice cream?
Not really no, although I don't dislike it! What if I were to say... add chocolate sprinkles?
What is the print quality on the Create Space books? Is the color accurate? does it look super cheap or like a real book? It's up there... they don't do hardcover though I don't think.
They have a hardcover upgrade service. Have to have a paperback already done, though. Niiice. looking into nnow.
I looked in to this. They do have a paperback service, but because they don't do hardcover on demand, it wont show up on the Amazon page for that book. Make sense?
While we are at it, who are the children's authors if any that you draw inspiration from? Roald Dahl... number one.
Susanne Gervay (awesome Australian children's writer)
JK Rowling (not sure if she counts or not, but yeh... I have a massive crush on her)
The guy who wrote the Noah story in the bible, classic.
Tolkien... has done some MAD kids stories.
I'm sure there are others...
Oh, the guy who made Grug... Do you guys know Grug?
This list is a work-in-progress.
Yeah I know Grug, that's Ted Prior. Huge Grug fan growing up.
Do you find that the advent of e-readers becoming more mainstream and making their way into the hands of kids has helped you reach a broader audience than conventional publishing had? Yeh... digital in general has helped a lot of course... I think what I'm doing now wouldn't have been possible about a decade ago...
But I am a massive fan of books vs the e-readers...
So, uh... to answer your question... yes :)
Digital publishing has revolutionized the field and allow folks that otherwise couldn't afford the exorbitant print run fees to publish their works. Thank you for answering your own question more betterly :)
Holy SHIT! I already do that! and we can introduce ourselves as THE ROBS!... too gay? Totes norm.
Cool. Well i'm going to need something to tell people on par with your "The President read my childrens book" line. Maybe I can save some kids from a burning house fire or something... I'll pick up some petrol on the way home. Woah woah... hold there just a minute... methylated spirits burn way better than petrol!
Geez, I'm trying to save the kids not kill them.. what kind of person are you? I was just j... never mind.
Thanks for doing this AMA, I'm a broke-ass college student, but I've always had ideas for children's books. I just have one question, what about artwork? Do they have artists that spit it out? Or do the authors need to supply it, because I can't draw worth a damn. If you are doing your own shit, you need to do your own shit... or get someone you know to.
1) Were you drunk when you did this AMA? 1) No. You buyin?
2) You need a friend or a girlfriend not sure which. 2) K.
3) This was a fun and enjoyable read, as well as an interesting product thanks! 3) Ah.
4) I want to see covers of these books! 4) my website.
5) Where is Mr. Snail??! 5) Link to imgur.com
So.. how do taxes work with this Amazon Create Space? No taxes if you are outside of America... If you are American you need to provide all your tax deets so they can make tax adjustments... I have no clue how the American tax system works.
Thanks for doing this. How does the copyright work? Are your titles automatically copyrighted, and are you free to sell them anywhere else? Uploaded.. BANG... copyrighted.
I think it's great that you've done this. Seems more like a hobby than an attempt to make a career out of it. Nothing wrong with that. I'm curious as to if it would be possible to actually turn something like this into a full time job. If you want to sell a book for $8 - $10 per book how many do you have to sell to make, say, $50,000? How much do you actually get per book? For someone who wants to really make a go of writing children's books full-time, should Create Space be looked at as a way to get your idea out there and then try to get picked up by a major Children's book publisher? Or are there success stories with people paying their bills by self-publishing in this way? That's currently an angle I'm trying.
My mom makes up and tells great children's stories, and she has a passion for writing, but is worried that if she writes her stories down, no one will buy them. I've tried explaining that she'll never know if she doesn't try, but she just can't build up the confidence. Any advice? Yeh, I've met a few people like that who get a bit weird about sharing creative stuff with others... If she doesn't want to then I guess she shouldn't but I must say I have had an absolute blast making up my own stories and sharing them with kids and seeing them laugh... to me there is no greater experience on the planet... Not really helpful there was I... :/
Can you go into a little more depth about the SEO techniques you use? I will go into depth on this issue in a blog post in the not too distant future.
Have you ever read The Puppy Who Lost His Way? No... But I want to... now... Whatsit about?
In case you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about. Of course I know... one of my fayvs :)
Is it, though? Is it "fucking awesome?" Your enthusiasm is abundant, but I'm not sure if it's genuine. I had a chance to sleep on it... 7/10 at best... But it's like watching Tom Cruises latest film twice... was cool the first time... second time... also cool... third time... I've seen this before...
How many books have you sold, and what is your profit so far? Does Amazon own your book, or could you take it elsewhere to be officially published? Thanks for this AMA! I've been working on my own children's book for a while, just don't know where to send it. Amazon is purely distribution and don't own it... But every book in the world is on there, not sure why I would take it off.. ?? I have sold a couple thousand books...
How do you feel about the dark themes and the extreme examples between good and bad in children's books? Also, do you feel this is the proper way to be teaching children? I love dark themes... Also, I never said I was teacher... that shit is way harder than telling stories... I have mad respect for teachers.
What do you think about Adam Carolla's opinion on children's books and their authors? That they're piles of shit, horribly written, and authors write kid's books because they can't write real books? Haha. I didn't know he held this opinion.. but I can confirm it is 100% true :)
A) fun and interesting AMA, cheers! B) will buy your books for nieces and nephews, they love poo and fart jokes, but hey, who doesn't? C) now I want to write a kids book too damnit >.< Late to the late comment. What did I miss? :p Hi :)
Oh you know, I pretty much just reposted what other people had said, so nothing much. Hi :) Howdy doo :) yeh... i live here.
I'm living here temporarily while my work is Friday-afternoon-boring. I will keep posting in your thread if you keep posting, this could go on for a very long time. Or at least until 5. Bored? add to a story :) Link to www.reddit.com
I live in England and have a lot of family that would be interested in buying my books if I did some. You mentioned shipping to Australia being expensive, would I have the same problem over here? I don't think it would be as bad... fairly closer... however, there are probably similar companies in the UK that could help u.
Which book was the best selling book for you? Definitely Romy's Garden Adventures: Christmas City by far.
Last updated: 2013-06-01 00:33 UTC
This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.
submitted by tabledresser to tabled

[Table] IAmA: Hi reddit, I’m Tom Bergeron, host of DWTS and America’s Funniest Home Videos. Ask Me Anything.

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-10-11
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
Do you ever cringe at some of the cheesy voice overs and puns they have you do on AFV? Yes, but the checks always clear.
Hey Tom, one more question. The show is hilarious, but why do so many mediocre videos make the top 3? How is that determined? During drunken meetings.
How have you managed to not age in 20 years? I began looking 50 at 30.
Hey Tom! Thanks for doing this. Has there ever been a video sent in on AFV that made you think "This reminds me exactly of this other clip from a previous episode" so much so that you think it's staged/recreated? On that note, do you have a process to weed out obviously staged clips? Thanks! I'm not willing to discuss my weed habits here.
Do you realize you are like the king of dad jokes? No. But pull my finger.
Now I have a real question but its prob too late, do people still send in tapes or do you guys also pull them from the internet? Both. We have an AFV app.
Tom, I want to grow up to be a TV host, Have any advice? Don't do it until I retire.
What happens during commercial breaks at DWTS? Dozens of spray-tanned people run to the bathroom.
Hi Tom! One of our favorite family times is Sundays when we get to watch AFV (or "Funny Videos!!!" as my five year old calls it). Happy to. Should be up soon. At first I thought you wrote, "Hi Colon" which is too intestinal.
Question: What is the chance of a picture of you holding a sign that says, "Hi Colin!"? My kid would be floored. :D. Link to imgur.com
You and Daniel Tosh. Death match. Who would win? I'd sic a horse sized Saget on him.
Tom! What's your very best life advice? Don't die.
I died, what do I do now? Nothing. That's the best part of it.
Are you boys with Bob Saget? Yes. Got him to do our 20th anniversary show.
Your teeth are really white. What toothpaste do you use? No toothpaste. Paint.
What did you take from Bob Saget and use for yourself? Three of his suits and one of his wives.
What interested you in radio broadcasting when you first started? Not having to shave.
Are the judges on DWTS really that crazy or are they hamming it up for the show? Yes to both.
Why do you suppose Vonnegut decided to kill you? If you had survived and became Emperor, what changes do you think you would have made? You're thinking of cousin Harrison, who was always a pain in the ass.
I used to watch AFV as a kid, holy shit I had no idea it still existed! How's it goin, Tom? Great. It's not on TV anymore. Now we show up at your house and do it there.
Hi, Bob Saget is pretty public about his hatred for hosting afv. What is your opinion of the job? Bob's mellowed. I think he mostly hated himself.
Have you ever considered hosting Jeopardy? What is "no"?
Were there any clips where you felt bad for laughing at the people involved? Yes, but only passing guilt.
Hey Tom! Your show is great, but aren't you afraid of the internet? It contains a lot of funny videos... We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And, on occasion, YouTube. But, seriously, there's enough room for us both.
On a scale of 1-10 how scripted is AFV? :) My writers will get back to you on that.
Ever get mistaken for Henry Winkler? Nope. Mostly mistaken for Potsie.
Can you tell us about your expierence being on Castle? Love from WY. Castle was great fun. Nathan and the gang made my time as a corpse quite enjoyable.
Now that most people go to YouTube for funny videos, how much time do you think AFV has left? I want it to stay on forever but I doubt it'll happen. Also, why are there so many dog videos on AFV? Some of them aren't even funny, just kinda cute. I think AFV has 372 hours left. Maybe 560. I'm lousy with numbers.
What's up Tom! I've been watching you host America's Funniest Home Videos and Dancing with the Stars for years. Thanks for doing an AMA! If you were asked to switch roles and become one of the contestants on Dancing with the Stars for one season, would you do it? Nope. Hosting is much easier.
Don't have any questions Tom, can I call you Tom? I'm just letting you know you are awesome. You're a great judge of character.
Please call me Hank.
Hi Tom. You're the first Boston TV guy I remember watching go from local to massive national success. How'd you make that transition? Between bouts of unemployment.
Why are you so handsome Mr. Bergeron? How's the glaucoma?
Do you feel guilty for taking over Brooke's job this season? (Interviewing the stars before the scores?) The leg waxing has been the toughest.
Oh my God, AFV is still on?! I loved that show back when I had cable. It IS??
If you were to make an educated guess, what is the total number of clips you've seen where someone gets hit in the nuts? 4692.
Hi Tom, Who was the funniest celebrity you worked with while on Hollywood Squares? And why was it Triumph the Insult Comic Dog? Gilbert Gottfried.
Did he ever read 50 Shades of Grey to you? We're up to page 140. Starting tonight.
Did you ask Bill Nye the Science Guy to do any science experiments for you? Yes. But he needed the eye of a newt.
Do you ever tire of the "hit in the balls" clips? No, as long as the involved balls are not my own.
What is your idea of a perfect meal? In N Out Burger.
Animal style? Double Double with onions.
Do you have weird Whoopi stories you like to tell from Hollywood Squares? Also, who was better to work with, Whoopi or Ellen? Ellen was only on a few times. Whoopi and I worked together for 4 wonderful years.
Hello Mr. Bergeron: If you were not a TV Host, what would be another profession you think you would be good at, or would like to work in? Neurosurgeon.
Would you rather fight a horse sized Bob Saget or 10 duck sized Bob Sagets? A horse, of course, of course.
Hello from India! My family and I love watching the show! Thank you for being the hilarious person you are. :) What is a video that makes you laugh uncontrollably every time you see it? Do you like waffles? What is your favourite childhood memory? My favorite childhood memory is eating waffles.
Daisy Fuentes didn't happen to leave her phone number lying around anywhere in the studio did she? Yes. It's 310-555-9761.
Were you in the movie Gremlins? I swear there is a reporter in that movie that looks just like you! No, I wasn't, despite what IMDB says.
What happened to your top lip Mr.Bergeron? I swallowed it.
Do you mind if we call you the berg (rhyming with purge)? Try Berj.
Is Jeri Ryan as awesome as she is beautiful? Absolutely.
How hard would you plow Beth Ostrosky-Stern? Followup: How many times have you plowed her? I wouldn't. Howard is a trained Ninja.
Do you ever get sick of people laughing? Only when Maria Menounos does it.
I loved the morning show Breakfast Time you used to to on FX back in the 90's. Do you keep in contact with Bob? Yes! Al Rosenberg was Bob's "handler." Great guy and still good friend.
Who is the most beautiful female celebrity you've had on DWTS? Tucker Carlson.
Who are you and what have you ever done for the UK? I once nailed Margaret Thatcher at a rave.
Isn't there some kind of medal the Queen should give you for that? Just Purell.
Hey Tom! Do people ever come up to you and say, "Remember me?? AFV aired a video of me falling off a roof!!" If so - how do you respond? I nod. I smile. I run.
Hey, dude. No disrespect, but in the age of YouTube, how is "Funniest Videos" even still around? A lot of dudes still watch it.
Fuckin' Seacrest. Am I right, Tom? Spooning, maybe. Not...
Your mom likes Mike Rowe more than you? :) Only one of the reasons I'm in therapy.
How did you get around to becoming successful in your careewhat humble origins did you start from? To me you've always been a professional "voice" or host. Did people latch onto that aspect of you that you seem family friendly? Is it like being in a club with Ryan Seacrest and Bob Barker and anyone else who could potentially announce the New York Times ball drop? I was a sharecropper's son. I used to walk three miles in the snow barefoot to do my first radio show.
Why isn't the prize money adjusted for inflation? To pay for my raise.
I think we need an investigation into Bill Nye's ouster. He did the robot for chrissakes. Who votes against the robot? Will Smith.
For as long as you've hosted AFV, has the guy who says "and here's your host, Tom BERGERONNN!!!" been too? Is that you, Jess?
I was at the Magic Kingdom on the day they were filming (what I was told was) the 1000th episode of AFV. How late were you there for that? So you were there in the future. How did I look?
Hey Tom, do you like koalas? I like diet koalas.
Hi Tom my name is Sean Cosgrave & I live in Victoria, British Columbia Canada my question to you is how excited are you for the 24th season of America's Funniest Home Videos? Very. 24 seasons is quite a milestone!
Hi Tom, I really miss Breakfast Time. I'd give anything to have tapes of the episodes, because they never failed to entertain! Any memories from the show that you're especially fond of? You can find great clips of Breakfast Time on YouTube. Loved that show!
You are a gentleman and a scholar, sir!! Well, you're 1/2 right.
Tom, the first time my friend was under the effects of a hallucinogenic substance I decided to turn on AFV while I was making sure he was safe. Now, because he took too much, I can quote you and cause him to become sick to his stomach and confused. I just wanted to thank you for that. Cool, dude.
Hey Tom...loved you on Howard Stern. Most hosts in your position are such yucksters...glad to know you have a sense of humor. Love Howard. We produced a special using interviews with Moe & Larry of the Three Stooges I conducted when I was 16 & 17.
Can you make turkey. Make turkey do what?
He'll no! You're Tom Bergeron of Evening Magazine on Channel 4! And that's a good thing! Nope. People Are Talking. Barry Nolan did Evening Magazine.
Last updated: 2013-10-15 13:48 UTC
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